By cami cccoop02@morehead-st.edu
Date: 5 October 1998

game show contestant

    
     I'll take the big gamble.
     I'll take door number one.
     Behind that sickly painted sign is Jake. He's an
     alcoholic, but hell he can party with the best of them.
 Last night, he was talking about panties and one night
 stands, but he's not drunk now so he's easy to understand.
     He claims he only got married because the wedding was
 already planned. Where have I heard that one before?
 Where is his wife? "Where do you want her to be?" he asks.
     I'll try door number two now, thank you.
     Enter Bob in all his glory. The token best friend and
     date on dateless nights. He's confessing his love for 
     me, but what's his hand doing on my thigh.
 Man, something just ain't right. I've heard good friends make
 great lovers, but this is ridicules. There is no need for
 this romantic mess. I'm messed up as it is, but he insists,
 "We're meant to be."
     Door three please.
     What, it's empty. How is this so? I should get money or
     a trip, amybe a new car or another soul.
     I'll take broken hearts for a thousand. And there he
     appears. The love of my life, the one I've wanted for all times.
     Is this my consolation prize? Great. Then why is he
     hanging all over the next contestant?
 He would never let me win, he doesn't play fair. He's after 
 the pieces of my broken heart, I can tell. Here's the glue,
 you can have door number two, I quit. I'll take loser for all
 the money in the world.