By kevin urenda, kluless70@hotmail.com Date: 10 October 1998
Prior to the discovery of the atomic structure of elements, there were four elements though to exist of which all matter was made. These were Earth, Air, Water, and Fire. (And for those of you who saw Luc Besson’s “The Fifth Element,” the world learned that Milla Jovovich is the *fifth* element --- :-) ---.)
Love roughly parallels this elemental structure, although a more atomic or even cellular structure has still not been found to exist. The four elements of Love are Mind, Soul, Heart, and Body. Each co-exists with its three complementary elements in an infinite number of possible combinations. Interaction with stimuli -- human, animal, natural, or other – creates a reaction within a person’s mind, soul, heart, and body. In plain (but verbose) English, this means that infinite possibility for love exists within each person, making it possible for an individual to love spectator sports, shopping, friends, The Beatles, Nat King Cole, Pearl Jam, our friends, the United States, a beautiful sunset, the family dog/cat, all of our friends, their Creator, and ‘the One’ (love of one’s life), ALL simultaneously, intensely, and completely, each in its own way. Did I mention our friends? That’s but one reason why love is, well, so *cool.*
Love exists on a continuum of time and space. Put another way, Love ebbs and flows. It is in a constant state of flux. To place love, past, present, or future into compartments is to make it static. To truly love is to be present in the moment – in *this* moment. Each past moment (which we cannot change if we wanted to) in succession has brought us to this one. The future is something we have no real control over (so why waste energy worrying about it, energy that is better saved for dealing with events as they unfold). The only time we have any control over is the present. The here and now. It is love that enables us to squeeze the juices of life out of each moment as it unfolds. And the elements of love are what enrich the human experience.
As love exists along a continuum populated by infinite possibility, it is probable, if one works hard enough and/or is lucky enough, that true love can actually happen in one’s lifetime. For some, more than once! For this to take place, the person must give all they possess within them of the four elements of love. If a person somehow finds ‘the One’ fated or chosen for them -- their soul mate, their perfect complement (as perfect as humans can be, anyway) -- the experience is, by definition, an act of the whole mind, whole heart, whole soul, and whole body. All four elements must converge, else the love is not total. This is the experience of true love. This singular experience (a.k.a. romantic love) is the one that makes us most alive and human.
Love is still possible in less than total ways, and is every bit as enriching of a person’s life. Any person can have a great deal of love for a great many people. It is simply not conceivable for a sincere person to love too much. One can love another with all their heart, all their mind, and all their soul, and yet not express that with their whole body. That is what true friendship is. No life should be without at least one true friend, even if “true love” is not achieved with that friend or any other person. It is possible for relationships to move along the continuum from one point to another, and even back. But it is our friends who make EVERYTHING that much more real, our friends who keep us in the moment. Our friendships can make romance that much more passionate and intense, since they knew us and can remind us who we were without ‘the One.’
Some of the intimacies possible in friendship are not always possible in true love. That is why we need friends to help us maintain our focus. However, two people who are ‘lovers’ can and should grow to enjoy each other’s company as friends, particularly if they intend to enter into and remain in marriage. Without that level of comfort, it is difficult to keep passion kindled, and the resultant romance fervent and fresh. It takes total vulnerability to achieve that level of comfort. Yes it can be hard work. No it is not always easy. But loving another person, and being loved in return, can be intoxicating, and even addictive. That would make marriage to ‘the One’ a legalized addiction!
Of course, all of this assumes a shared experience with another human being. A dog or cat, or Mozart's piano concertos, or stock car racing, or checking the blender board 3-4 times a day, or WCW, or even autumn sunsets would not qualify as addictions, passionate though they may be…
Next time, we will look at love from a different angle.