By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 3 September 1998

consequences

bleeding again i remember
things that could only be
lost with a hammer blow to
the head dead and safe
from the world's labels i
think i would be able
to fly, indeed
     miles above
the blood and alligator food
and him beside me in
the car and strange dollar
bills and on the stomach
not inside and the ride
that would not end like
a cheap carnival roller coaster
gone haywire
     desire is a decidedly 
brutish demon throwing candy at
my feet pretty and sweet with
poison my mouth sewn shut
I have a daughter
I had to give her away
but still
  things
have changed
and yet the hammer clangs
uselessly away
at steel memories
   never broken
   not to be destroyed
i have toyed
    with
 the idea
of taking up residence
   in an institution
 there in the sanctity
    of a quiet room
 would it all
       go away?
 God loves us
   harlots
but we live
   with the consequences
 of our choices
   and those would be
      voices
that never 
  SHUT UP.