By Kristina (Osethkl@jmu.edu)
Date: 2 September 1998

Raw Emotion

I’m sitting here writing this poem for you
You, who I love yet, am angry with
Angry because you are so beautiful
Angry because you are so irresistible
Angry because you’ll open your heart up to me one minute and close it the next
Angry because you are so easy to love, yet at the same time so hard to be loved by
And I love you
I love you because of how you make me feel everyday
Because you make me feel a certain way that no one else can
Because you drive me crazy like no one else can
Because when I look at you all I can do is smile
All I can think about is how happy you could make me
And how happy I want to make you
So I’m sitting here writing this poem that doesn’t rhyme
Writing because you don’t like poems that rhyme
Writing for you
Realizing that I would do absolutely anything for you
Realizing that if I did it wouldn’t matter
It wouldn’t matter if I climbed the highest mountain for you
It wouldn’t matter if I impaled my heart and died in pain for you
Because you could never love me
You could never love someone that loves you more than anyone
But I still want you
I know that in reality you would abuse me
That you really wouldn’t be good for me
That you wouldn’t embrace my love as I would embrace yours
But I want you anyway
I want to believe that there is some part of you that could love me
That wants me as much as I want you
That cherishes every moment that we spend together
Even though I know its not true I still want to believe
But it seems impossible to get close to you
To break down this fortress that you build around yourself
That you build around your heart so no one can get in
So that I can’t get in
And I’m afraid
Afraid that I’ll go through the rest of my life without feeling the way I feel when I’m with you
Afraid that you’ll find out how I feel and get scared away
Afraid that you’ll increase the strength of your fortress because of me
Afraid that maybe you just won’t care
That you’ll throw me away like you throw away everything else
Like a piece of crumpled paper that has no significance in your life
But I don’t want that
I want to be a part of your life
I want to know you better than anyone 
If you would just let me in
Let me be the one to be there for you when you need me
Need me!
I want you to need me!
I want you to yearn for my love for you
And you, you are the one thing that would make me happy beyond belief
The one thing that I can’t have
And I’m jealous
Jealous because I know there is someone out there who you love
Someone out there who doesn’t appreciate your love
Who doesn’t appreciate it like I would
So is this my punishment?
My punishment for falling into the temptation of desire...
Having to live without you for the rest of my life