By alison
Date: 9 August 1998

heart in denial

it never got to the point where
i thought you were 
an asshole
scum
a wasted year and a half.
not until now. 

and i resisted it up to the end. 
i did. i said to myself,
always remember how perfect it was,
it was perfect
it was
perfect.

in the midst of it all,
in the midst of us,
i said to myself,
i know i'm being 
naive
denying the little things that 
drive me nuts,
but at least i know,
at least 
i know.

and you broke my heart. 
but it was stronger than that,
more stubborn than that,
wouldn't take it. 
i said to myself, 
i can make it through this 
i can endure
i'm strong,
i am 
strong.

 now it doesn't seem as perfect,
and i kick myself for ignoring the little things,
and i think a broken heart in denial
shatters into a million more pieces.
but i am stronger than i ever was before.