By d
Date: 14 July 1999

envy

she still infuriates me
perfect teeth and perfect hair
perfect smile and perfect life 

she got a job
(well, her mommy got it for her)
right down the road
from our work

how convenient
i think, 
my words sounding hollow
in my head

she has a new car
did you want to go see it?
(don't let me stand in your way)

i wave frantically and
escape before i scream 

you follow
your mouth opens

and i bite your tongue off

no excuses are needed here
you don't care about her
but she still infuriates me

beautiful and innocent
and everything i want to be

my mommy never bought me anything
and you never took me to prom

there are no pictures of us kissing
no snapshots of me in high heels and
a sparkling dress
you in a tux
with a smile 

that smile 
that i thought
was mine alone

she infuriates me
owning pieces of you
i can never touch

i can feel myself turn green
and i'm not sure if its
anger
or

envy