By Crystevin
Date: 19 July 1999

Wonderment of Hell

Dreaming of yester-year
when everything
was simple, sweet,
defined and destined
it all makes me wonder...

Looking back
naive
i dreamt
of today
expecting
not knowing
any imagined destination
yet striving forward
in a bleak mist
direction oriented
by whimsical
fantasy
of everlasting love.

Oh yes,
I look back now
with wisdom
and realize
fiction's frantic grasp
holding me tight
with no fright
no care in sight
with all it's might
and i wonder...

I wonder when the dream died
when fiction and fantasy
lost it's hold on my
bold but unrealistic
expectations.

Midlife crisis?
bullshit!
Confusion?
perhaps.
disillusionment is probably
the correct description
of my current state,
so i wonder...

Wonder when the clouds
will dissipate
and the sun will shine
again on my heart
while living now
tears me apart
daily, nightly.

I wonder
how can i see
without a light
fight
without any might
and die
without a cause
for i've always been a rebel
that sits and wonders
about all this hell.