By Cosette
Date: 26 July 1999

Me

any idea who i was before u met me?
my bedroom was spic and span
shoeboxes neat on the rack, weekend tee's arranged on the closet
and my worn-out legs ducked for the laundry pile
and even if i treated myself to a few TV or radio time
i cant sing along with those top 40 songs
i cant relate to movie soundtracks 
because i rarely visited the movie houses
my organizer was filled with after-office-hours meetings
my eyes glued to the monitor to retrieve emails with subject matters that raise the hell out of me
and all i ever thought about 
was to climb with those greedy-flies 
for five-digit monthly paychecks 
for promotions 
for recognition
a compensation that i believed was so fair and high
for sending and receiving correspondences even until or after 3:00am dawn
for falling asleep on a couch few cubicles away from mine
no one can dare say i should divert my attention to anything else
but what was categorically "anything else"?
for ive slashed my wrists too many times
dipped my pen from wounded flesh and wrote from my blood 
threw myself to complete surrender and writhe
was the sole witness to my scorn
out of delusive attempts to escape to "singleblessedness" you cant see in my vocabulary
past 1989 gave birth to this child i've borne 
from a life whose business was merely turning calendar pages when i was tired of making red marks
but you came 
although i didnt hear you say anything about changing how i lead my so-called life
now my scurfy fingers are tying laces flying north when i dont have an inkling  from where the wind blows
a breathe of fresh air when you are whistling
weekend's are not confined with 4 walls and a ceiling
and my organizer turned to a diary 
filled with songs, words, a name and plans
futuristically stated
for fairer renumeration
for an absolute reward
what's mine (and will be) won't steal anything from me
also everythings i would gladly spend with you


for sinneD