By Adam Tomaszewski
Date: 13 July 1999

Losing my Life

Have you ever lost three people, almost all at once?

Someone close enough to be called a sister
is now at forrest lawn. Not so much my right hip,
more like my entire right side has gone.
She took her life, because she could not
handle the situation. A permenant soultion
to a temporary problem. I loved her or so
much, and told her I was there for her, but
no matter what I did, I guess it became to much.

The second girl was my girlfriend. She left
to Seattle last year, and I miss her like a person
would miss their heart, and their mind as if it were to
disappear, against both your wills, with no warning.
We were perfect in all our three years. With
only one fight, we made up three hours later
and had no problems with anything else.
Trust was perfect, we were perfect. I would have done
two things for her: Kill for her, and die for her.

The third girl who I held so close (who I would love to date),
just told me I am too much for her. She felt as
if I was smothering her. I did not know a girl
would be mad because a guy, who is four-years
younger cared too much for her. How can that be?
I would love another girl to care for me so much as 
I did for her.

Love is strange in many ways, and no one can explain it.
I am only 18, and do not know everything, but I know 
that it is possible to love more then one girl. Loving
a girl does not mean you are dating, or sleeping together,
only that you have deep feelings for who a person is, and
for why you care for them. My girlfriend and I still talk,
I visit Kimberly at Forrest Lawn every weekend, crying over
the love I lost, and will never get back. And I cannot get
hold of Noel, assumed I cannot because I cared too much.

I do not know how I feel, because now all I can do is cry.
I sometimes feel I should go join Kim, and maybe that would
take away the pain. But it would not take, only add to the pain
for everyone here.

The moral of my thoughts on this? I really couldn't tell you. I
think the simplest way to put it is even though I lost them all, and
still can't get a date, even though I have lost all mine, enjoy
your life and have a bit of faith. Do not be afriad to tell a girl or boy
you love them. If you never do, then life will have no meaning, and a life
without meaning, is not worth living. 

-=A=-

(Yet another long poem that just rambles on. If you like it or hate it
 feel free to e-mail me. By now, nothing could hurt my soul anymore)