By JJ
Date: 18 July 1999

So Much for Love

The dying of a spark, 
A violent spraying of fire fanning out
Then nothing
I wanna stamp myself out too
Like that last smoke, 
I sit in darkness
Barely seeing through tears that blur 
The one lone reflected light
From the far shore of a pond 
I can't see the water, but I know it's there in the city park.
Like me, just out there as always, 
Muddy feelings, agitated 
No stars even trying to poke holes in the gloom 
I pause and stare at nothing, wondering 
Why love seems always doomed?
I feel the cold of the night air; 
So totally alone:
Casting a question out to God
Or life or some formless entity
On the void
Never knowing to what purpose 
I fall in love 
Only to watch it quickly pass
To end with hurt
A girlfriend flicked away over some minor deviation
Dying a little more as she and I fell out
Smashing our hearts
Under raw hurt and anger
Yearning to strike up a new try, 
Yet feeling betrayal 
Sparking memories to replay in me
And make her say we're through again
Me out in this darkness
I wanna stamp out love
Into the coal-tar soot of a hardened heart 
Love is up in smoke, curling away
Me, throwing away what had, up to now, been my life....