By Cosette
Date: 27 June 1999

Child

i wake up when the dawn hasn’t smiled at me. 
i feel the biting cold cut through me.
no matter how hard i try 
to fight this december-like chills with blankets, socks and sweater, 
nothing could be thicker than the fabric of fear.  
i fear from this dream where i saw you fading, 
slowly?  abruptly?
my mind denied me of its detailed memory.  

with swollen eyes, 
my mind relays painful flashbacks to my heart. 
in a sudden, 
i see myself a hopeful, innocent child, 
believing in santa claus and fairy tales, 
only to be told they couldn’t be real.  
i cry like i did 
when my first balloon flew in the air, 
though my small, frail hands clutched tight to its string.  
i weep like i did 
when my first kite got entangled by tree boughs, 
strong winds vanquished its joyful flight.  

i realized 
that at one snap of fate's fingers, you will be gone, 
no matter how hard we hold on to this true love.  
now i want to hold you 
like i longed for a million times to embrace my mom 
shortly after the school bus left.  
here i wait 
like how often i glanced 
at minnie’s hands moving around my watch 
while reciting nursery rhymes.  

before you, i stand, 
i see my reflection on your waters 
a long-braided child on jumpers and blue shoes,
teary-eyed, shaking lollipop i hold in my hand.
with the last coin from my heart’s purse, 
i throw myself on your deep wishing well, 
something i never did before.  
forever drown me with your promises -
make me look at the world with apple eyes.



for sinneD