By emily   grlgrenade@yahoo.com
Date: 18 June 1999

1,2,3

1.
I drilled into your skull the notion that I couldn’t
live without you, to make you fear leaving like a
death warrant. And I know now I was lying all those
times. I said life minus your glittery face was
hopeless, but I’m getting off on living now not
waiting for your phonecall so you can pencil me in
your schedule for next month. And I’m angry. Hellyes
I’m angry. You left me.. you left me bloody and
screaming. You left me. And walking out the door you
tripped over the IV tube. So I stood up and slipped it
back in. But, funny part is, you’ll never leave your
wheelchair…
2.
On the rebound, spinning tiptoeing on the rim on the
reel With a magnifying glass
And a fishing net with a love too true to have and a
truth too manic to love
Because from night unfurling to morning, her lips were
my secrecy and mattress
And with the tide of evening I stained him with my
sore body
Walking down the wooden planks with ominous nails and
slabs missing in action the life fled from my shadow
and I thought How EverPresent
Saltwater coating my arms like a second skin I taste
the air and 
Anxiety sits restless on my tongue
I walked to the edge of the pier, cautious with every
step and breath as
Always and wrapped my toes around 
The warped pinnacle of Finality
I had reached the End and eyes on stalks and blades
for nails I
Turned
And was too Afraid to Move.
3.
We’re both tiptoeing around the sexy truth
you’re in the shower now and I’m sitting at this cold
computer wondering…
why last night had to end.
why time takes it’s toll on the beautiful
b/c I could swear I felt each minute slow
with the lull of your tongue, and your skin
that warmed my cold fingers
I didn’t know
how we would look to each other the next morning
but you left to drink coffee on the couch
and I woke up to look at myself.
I pocketed last night, breaking off half to give to
you
I think you slid it in your hair
It’s my new favorite piece of jewelry
And now we go to see our boyfriends
Or not see, though they are right there
To stand in front of and fidget with our hands behind
our backs
B/c the world we shared is beating somewhere deep.