By The Guppy
Date: 17 June 1999

looking back

fourth grade...
it was a friday night...midsummer...my parents had gone out to eat and left me
home to fend for myself for the evening...i remember getting ready to settle
down and watch some quality t.v....the phone rang...i was suprised to hear the
voice of a girl...a neighbor girl...brenda...she was inviting me over to her
house...said she had someone who really wanted to hang out with me...and
despite my questioning, she refused to tell me who...sooooo...of course i had
to go and find out for myself...fourth graders tend to be similar to cats in
many ways...curiosity and all...i walked around the block to the brenda's
house...as i was approaching the house, i heard the unmistakable giggling of
fourth grade girls coming from a row of tall cedar trees next to the
driveway...i approached the trees cautiously...not knowing what exactly to
expect...i pushed aside a few branches and saw brenda sitting there, in a small
clearing in the row of trees, with the most beautiful girl in our entire fourth
grade class...granted, the class only consisted of 20 kids...ha...her name was
vicky...and she was THE girl that all of the little fourth grade playas wanted
to be with...ha...she was so pretty, and fun...and i had a major crush on
her...duh...anyway...vicky told brenda to leave us alone for a little
while...brenda obliged...god, i was sooooo freaking nervous...didn't know what
was going on...funny to think back on now...vicky went on to say that she
thought i was cute...and asked me if i wanted to be her boyfriend...oh my
god...my little novice heart kinda went through the proverbial
roof...woohoo...so, of course, i said "um...ok"...(my verbal skills have only
slightly increased since the fourth grade...at least in situations like
that...ha)...then she went running out of the trees and started giggling with
brenda again...sheeesh...girls...i was just kinda standing in the trees...in a
daze...and suddenly vicky came charging into the trees...she stopped right in
front of me...planted the sweetest kiss i had ever felt square on my lips...and
went running out again...ha..."whoa" is the only word to describe what i
felt...she yelled "goodnight"...i yelled "wait"...i bolted out of the trees and
caught up with her...as she turned around, i kissed her pretty much the same
way she had kissed me...then we both kinda blushed...i walked home after
that...my mind racing...

we were gradeschool sweethearts from fourth through seventh grade...my first
love...in that weird first love kinda way...ha...in that innocent children
kinda way...but a type of love nonetheless...we went to different high schools
and different colleges, but still ran into each other from time to time...and
we would always talk about the old days and laugh about them and stuff...


october 1995...a cold clear day in central wisconsin...which is where i went to
college...i returned to my crappy apartment after dealing with the usual class
and work schedule that made up most of my college life...i was planning on
grabbing a bite to eat and then spending some time with my girlfriend...i
walked into the apartment and noticed a letter from my parents on the table
(my parents only usually wrote when something bad happened, so i was
immediately brought down to see the letter)...i opened the envelope only to
find a newspaper clipping folded up inside...it was an obituary...vicky's...she
was driving her car down a country highway at night and was t-boned by a drunk
driver in a big truck...she was seven months pregnant at the time...she and the
baby both died in accident...thrown from the car...the truck driver was not
hurt...anyway, i completely lost my appetite...i called my girlfriend, avoided
the questions about why i was so quiet...and just told her i wouldn't be able
to see her that night...i grabbed my guitar...walked to the mini-mart and
bought a pack of cigs...and walked a few blocks to the bank of the wisconsin
river...that whole night i spent just remembering her...playing my
guitar...smoking...and crying...


i know it is a kinda sad story and all...and not well written...but, it's
true...the first girl i loved...