By Helen Alvares h_alvares@yahoo.com Date: 29 May 1999
I smiled. "Sure, why not !"
He got up to go and get a refill and I watched him disappear into the main cafeteria. It gave me time to take in the surroundings, only now did I seem to become aware of the fact that there actually were other people around us. A group of friends smoking and chatting a couple of tables to our left, a studious looking guy bent over a newspaper, occasionally sipping at his coffee that seemed already quite cold.
A strange looking green-yellow insect hovered around me and finally settled at the edge of our table.
"I wonder what kind of a life it has", I thought. " Is this tiny creature's life totally governed by instinct, or does it have its own desires, its own heartaches?"
A gust of wind and off it flew, leaving me alone with my thoughts .
He'd be back with the coffee any moment now and we'd probably pick up the conversation where we left off. Perhaps our very last conversation face to face. I've learnt in life never to say never, which is why I use the word 'perhaps', for although I know that the chances of us meeting again or sharing a drink together are next to never, I refuse to give up the hope that fate would play its own little game and somehow cross our paths again, just as it did all those years back when we first met. Had it really been seven years? Wow ! All the memories etched forever in my mind, so vivid, as if they happened less than a week back. Then again, how could I forget them? How naturally we'd become friends. The jokes, the talks we'd had on just about any topic ranging from life's struggles to the art of playing good cricket. Our shared passion for books and poetry. It's funny how I could tell him anything that was on my mind, share almost everything with him. Everything, but my deepest feelings towards him. No ! Those would remain forever hidden in the deepest recesses of my soul ! What a coward I was ! But how could I have told him that he meant so much more to me than just a friend, when I knew that that was all I meant to him? No ! It was too much of a risk. As W.H. Auden so aptly says in one of his poems " If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me".
Even though we hadn't managed to meet that often in the past few years, mainly due to the fact that he now lives in another city, we still kept in touch inspite of our busy schedules, though the frequency of emails and phone calls had drastically reduced. And then his email saying that he was leaving for Australia in a weeks time and planning to settle down there. Just like that ! Out of the blue !
"Here you go !", he said, setting a cup of nearly overflowing coffee in front of me.
" Looks good !" I took a sip of the steaming brew and looked into his eyes. Would I ever see those eyes again?
"Maybe we'll meet again sometime", he said.
I smiled and took another sip, "Sure, why not !"