By Shadygirl   fading_shade@hotmail.com
Date: 23 May 1999

The Price of Forgiveness

You stole me from my crib
You burglarized my friendship
And emptied my Self of me
And Filled me with lies.

I knew you had a dagger
I'd seen you pull it from
The chests of others so
I can only blame myself

Never the LESS

I was supposed to be different
I was your phantom love
I was the future of your heart
I made your BURNS less obvious

But

You don't need ANYONE!
You needed to prove it to yourself
And everyone, that I was not a part
Of you, so you killed me.

Stab wounds, plentiful
Dripping with my heart's nectar
Draining my soul's dignity
Every punch
Every scream
Every humiliation
Every poke, prod
Every invasion

Everything that stole yourself
Back
That proved your false love

Everything that drove that razor
Over my wrist
Those pills down my throat
And kept me locked
In the house, my new womb.

Now

6 years later
You APPROACH me
Cautious (so used to daggers)
and
I stand beside you
Knees trembling
Hands tight
Nails in my palms
Voice failing me
Eyes darting to help too far away
And your
Unchanged
Mask of words

Apologies

Empty sorrow
A plea that will send Hell's gatherer.
The release of my acceptance
From my own TRAITOR! Lips

As if 15 seconds
Of you on your knees
Can give me back
The safety blanket I'd left behind
When you stole me from my crib.

As if 15 seconds
Is adequate time to erase
Scars
Instilled fear
Queezy stomachs
Over the shoulder glances
And unintentional flinches

As if my traitor lips
Even knew what the hell
I have been through.

As if the smile on my TRAITOR lips
Or the meaning of my erasure smudged words
Or the seemingly steady stance I hold
Can ever afford true forgiveness
With the scraps you left me.