By d
Date: 8 February 1999

disappearing

sometimes it all seems like a repeat 

words upon words upon words hiding all the real stuff that lingers below

i long for a crescent moon over my navel
for the taste of steel in my mouth
for bruised biceps
and the kind of pain you
know you love
i know
i love 

then i blink
and find myself
swimming into calm waters
gracefully

with you right there by my side 
keeping me afloat
above all the danger
and mystery
below 

your words float high above my head
and your comfort shields me from the sun

i'm living somewhere between heaven 
and earth

but i long
for the ignorance
of the days
where fear was welcome and 
tears came unbidden 

and lovely pain 
sprung from everywhere
everything

when i sit down
i feel old 

when i smile
i feel strange
peaceful 

not at all like me 

the layers of words are keeping me locked up tight
some would call me crazy for wanting it to be different 

but if you listen real close 
if you try to block out the silence 
you will hear
whimpers
of delight

disappearing