By kate
Date: 3 February 1999

untitled until further notice

I don't feel much anymore
I'm not sure if I've healed
or just become numb.
I don't think your hate
could have hurt more than
this realization of the reality
of your apathy towards me.

Miraculously, though,
I've found some way
to let myself let you go.
But before you do, I'd like to
Thank you for teaching me things
I wish I'd never known.

You've taught me
to check the ground
and look carefully around
before I can start to dance.
I'll not begin to love
until I'm sure I know what I'm loving
and I'll not trust so willingly 
next time I'm given the chance.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't blame you
for lacking the capacity to understand.
I continue to believe 
that you wouldn't have acted this way
if you honestly could empathize.
You didn't hurt me on purpose,
and I chose to love you in spite -
hoping that you'd hurt yourself
somehow by hurting me.
I can't be angry at either of us
For feelings too large or too small.
And no one's to blame - not even me.
I'm realizing there are people out there
who will never care about people like me.
You just happen to be one of them.