By J.S.
Date: 23 April 1999

Anniversary Goodbyes (Too Long Since Love)

I suppose now is a good time to get this over with.
The day draws near when you would have entered my life
exactly two years ago.  Out of nowhere, a familiar stranger
That captured my attention with your silent observations
And unexplainable appeal.  Dreaming, dreaming, I made you.
Dreaming, dreaming, you came to me when I needed you.  You
crawled out of some empty crack in my heart and filled it so completely - 
and in the same dream, almost as powerfully as I created you, I created the end - 
You became what you never were, what I had hoped you'd never be, what I had feared you'd turn out to be - 
And here we are.
Me, still clinging to the hope you're still who you were,
You, surprising me with situations I was completely blind to.
It's been too long,
Too long since I had you in my arms,
Since I was the first one you went to in the morning,
The last one you saw in the evening,
Too long since I last tasted that mouth that used to leave me breathless and dizzy and...
In a dream.
I never thought I'd be caught in this nightmare.
I must let you go.
Your name never suit you, and even if you found one that did - 
It would have to be different tomorrow.
If you wore your heart on your sleeve, your closet would stretch the whole world round,
And I'd be on a hanger, hanging on the hope you'd choose me forever - 
But you threw away forever and promised never, never to again - 
So many broken, broken promises,
Almost as many as the times you've broken my heart.
I am no longer satisfied with your reassurances,
They are words; actions speak louder than words,
And it's been too long since you've done something for me.