By  
Date: 25 April 1999

Denial

So here I am tonight...10:30... and you're still not here yet.  It's too quiet in this
house without you.  There's no light, the darkness drowns out the warmth.  I sit alone in my chair again, staring at the silent door; not having anything to say, 
reliving my nightmare over and over again in my mind.  I'm trying not to think about it.  It was a mistake.  You had a point that I didn't want you to make and 
bring to my attention, but you needed to say it.  I always hated it when you did that.  Everything that I never wanted you to bring into my head always found a 
way of making itself known on your lips.  Everything you said was true, and I 
hated that.  I hated the way you looked at me that night, knowing that your truth 
was an honesty I couldn't handle.  I didn't stop you from leaving.  Didn't want to. It's your desicion.  Your life.  My loss.  I didn't cry, I couldn't.  How can a person cry over something that was never really there to begin with? I hated the way you left that night.  Something from me went with you.  A hope.  A faith.  Something real.  And I hate that feeling, knowing something that was so close to me is missing from my life now.  But I'll get over it.  I'll get over those feelings and not think about your voice on the line, promising you'd be here tonight.  And I won't look at the clock that says 10:43 on the wall, reminding me of the reality that I don't want to see, but know already.  And I'll get over the silence in the room, and the darkness, and the door that hasn't opened yet.  I'll get over it.. I'll get over everything.... But I'll never get over you.