By heart Song  heartsong@avsia.com
Date: 17 April 1999

Cold hearted

I'm standing, leaning against my car with my head down,
and he's saying "your so cold hearted, how can you be so damned cold hearted?!"
and I'm thinking, "me? Cold hearted?"
When he was never in a hurry to come home to me and I would wait and wonder if something had happened...
I was cold hearted?
When he forgot our anniversary again this year...
I was cold hearted?
When he was layed off and I worked three jobs, and he didn't lift a finger to help around the house...
I was cold hearted?
When he took me out for Valentines dinner told me that our life together was not exciting enough and he wanted to see other people...
I was coldhearted?
When I felt lost and alone and have tried everything I could, and it was enough.
When I layed in a lonely bed and cried myself to sleep.
When he told me he had slept with another woman.
When he told me he had slept with yet another woman.
When I raised his two kids.
I was cold hearted?
It took me 7 years to walk.
Seven years of sleeping alone while he was on the couch watching tv.
Seven years of trying everything I knew to do...
I finally gave up.  
and now this broken man is standing before me, crying, begging, telling me that he's sorry, that he knows he did wrong, telling me that this time it will be different, that he'll be the husband he couldn't be before.  Telling me that he's tired of being alone, that I'm his life, begging me to give him his family back.
and because I can't feel the love I once did for him, because I won't take him back again, because for once in my life I want to be happy, I want to know what real love is...
I'm cold hearted?
I turn my back to him and get into my car and drive away.
and I see him standing there lost and alone.
but I don't feel a lose, I feel relief, I feel freedom.
I don't feel...
cold hearted.