By Archangel__7@hotmail.com
Date: 5 October 1999

Awakening

    When she touched me... when she caressed my hand...When we sat closely, long-shut 
doors of my heart began to unlock.  Two things happened at that moment.
Another side of me feebly resurrected from a coma to a world of hurt. Then the
realization that the ancient pain which had been locked away and forgotten for
so long emerged.  So dark and terrifying was this flood of emotion, 
I shut the door rather abrubtly.

But she had already caught a glimpse.
    
And these were my inner courts?!?! How can I possibly present and share this cold, awful, and
lonely realm with my future bride? this door was only cracked open for a moment, 
and by one who merely posessed a fickle infatuation for me, which I knew
would only be short-lived. And yet I was shocked at how easily she managed to
gain entrance to this dark place in my life. No one but whom I trust dearly 
should be in that place!!!! But because that part within me was still weakened 
by past scars form broken relationships, an affectionate word or embrace is all
it took to thrust her into my deep thoughts...   She had no idea for the moment
that she had stumbled upon something, let alone realize the significance of what
she was doing to me.  These simple acts were screaming volumes of a long-dead 
paradise with whom I shared with only one other person on this earth.  If she 
only had the eyes to see, she might have recognized that this place was still
waiting... still accustomed for the one who died in my arms years ago.
   Like a deep-blue nostalgic memory, everything was frozen in place, just 
before she...
     It's so cold in here.  The warmth of her affection was beginning to awaken
the shards and pieces of my shattered dream.  My soul then remembered briefly
the pain as it began to come to life once more...  back to reality.  It was
becoming vividly real again.  
Startled, she then had truly seen my reaction.
It took only a glimpse into that limbo to realize that this reservoir of 
potential unconditional and undying love she had only tasted was buried
under a mass of heartache. Sadly however, she wasn't willing to commit to working together;
Not willing to spend the time building new foundations... so I was deserted once more.
In my room with nothing but memories of my lost paradise... once again
fading into stone.