By The Guppy
Date: 17 October 1999

me

what the hell just happened?
one moment i'm a bright-eyed optimistic innocent kid with a beat up car...
and killer smile...and good grades...and a loving family...and friends...
and a beautiful girl whom was to be my bride...
now i'm a sad-eyed pessimistic cynical jackass with a beat up truck...
and a killer smile...and a bright future...and a loving family...and friends...
and a fear of love that compares to nothing else...
i'm a self-diagnosed romantic chicken
it's kinda too bad
i'd be much happier if i could let the walls drop
all part of the healing process i guess
wish it would go faster
i'm telling myself constantly:  "do not break anyone's heart"
it's a tough situation
to want to be with somebody
to want to express love
to want to feel loved
and not wanting to expose wounds to anyone
i'm limited by my bandages i guess
i wish it wasn't that way
and i hope that time changes it
i'd really like to smile more
who wouldn't?
not everybody that says they need time are just giving excuses
i want to do my best for the girl whom chooses to give me an honest chance
i want to provide happiness
and i want to make damn sure that she never feels the way i feel now