By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 14 October 1999

A Friendly Shag

  Frank Sinatra on his stereo
     and candles he bought
       in Europe
   glowing all around
     making you rosy
   and desirable
     as you sit there
   on his black leather loveseat
   sipping genuine German Riesling
     smiling lazily
    talking about time travel and cloning
       makes it okay, somehow
       makes it go away, for now
  the guilt
  the fear
  the itchy anxiety
  that makes you run
  when you really want to stay
     (in a half-hearted, calculated kind of way)
 it's okay
    because you met him
      in kindergarten
  and he escorted you
    in a beauty pageant
    when you were both eight
   it's respectable because he took you to El Chico's
         and to see "Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael"
          on your first date
      when you were seventeen
  and he was the first guy
    you ever really loved

 nothing but now matters
   as he takes your hand
and leads you through
   a waltz
 he bites your neck
   and you almost shiver
  he kisses you
 and all you can do
   is think critical thoughts
  and miss the kisses that matter
    with the man you crave
 he is not the same man you loved throughout college
 he is not the same man you walked through fire for
   he is not The One
  but he knows all of this
   and you dance, anyway
 you dance and dream
  with Frank Sinatra and the candles setting the scene
      it's almost like a movie
      a black and white movie
       from your favorite era
     when men were men and there was no doubt about it
  your faith in love is almost reaffirmed
     you don't love him
       but he knows this
   as he leads you up the stairs to his room
       and when it happens
         for real
      and there ain't no denyin' the realness
          as it happens
    you can't believe it
    you hardly even feel it
  because your heart and soul
     are a million lonely
       miles away