By Rita
Date: 16 September 1999

The Horror of Life

Far, far, over where the sky meets the sea
Lies my darling in the shade.
I can see his dark brown eyes, his curly hair
I can feel his heartbeat as I hold him.
I miss his stupid jokes about money,
His hand, the way he touches me.

From the feelings and memories
I put him together as a puzzle.
He appears in my mind as a shadow,
And I think he is real.
But he will never smile at me
He will never hold me hand
Like a shadow, when you switch on the light
He disappeared way out 'my life.

I must remember to visit his grave.
So I meet the word 'dead' over and over.
There is nothing more commanding, more intact:
You don't exist! The longing for, the quietness-
Only this exists! Do you exist? You don't.
I won't even believe it!