By Jlor  jlorenz@saber.net
Date: 3 September 1999

Dumped: Part II

After you broke your word and failed to meet me at the appointed time, giving me the excuse of illness, and having your daughter lie for you, because you sure seemed pretty perky today when I talked to you..... in order to be fair, I gave you the benefit of the doubt and trusted you to be telling the truth. After two days of trying to contact you to see how you were and to ask if you maybe you could level with me and tell me if you had changed your mind about seeing me so I could make plans if you had--- you didn't even have the graciousness to cover up your lack of consideration for ME by even offering a feeble, cosmetic apology for breaking our date or for making me wait two days to hear from you about your condition, as well as find out when I could establish contact on email. You didn't even offer any hint that you were aware you had been very impolite to keep me on pins and needles wondering whether you'd brushed me off or just where I stood, and when you did finally answer the phone, you began talking as if nothing had happened. In order to be a good sport I just swallowed and passed off your slight to me in the interests of not jeopardizing our new contact and to not endanger our friendship. As, during our conversation, we began to talk, you began to go into detail implying, if not outright stating how much better you are than I am because I needed to learn a lot of new interests, whereas you had already acquired a working knowledge of many subjects and activities.According to you, I didn't "yet" have these interests, but you promised to help me "fix" my ignorance as our friendship progressed. You proudly admitted as one of your abilities that you were (are) an accomplished liar. I thought you were joking, but you were serious. You then went on to complain about how your parents mistreated you as a child, and are responsible for what is wrong with you, then to titillate your taste for carnage, you proceeded to elicit from me things my parents had "done wrong" to me. I stupidly cooperated, trying to go along with the topic and for your listening pleasure remembered for you a few instances of excesses on their part. You then siezed on what I said to press the isssue and ask why I hadn't been man enough to leave my parents 'out in the cold' and shut the door of my life on them? I replied that that would be wrong, since it is disrespectful, and that after all, come on, they are my parents, and in spite of whatever errors they may have made, I still loved them and I couldn't and wouldn't do that. You again accused me of being less than a man for refusing to agree to do that. We then talked about my writing, which you said was "so good it made you cry" but that my interests were way too narrow : According to you, I needed to expand my horizons and learn more and varied interests wo as to leave my indolent and vice ridden life ( you actually referred to correcting my eating habits and failure to exercise sufficiently,vices which you share, but, of course, you feel free to do them yourself.). Anyway, I was to get rid of my vice ridden life if I was to "keep you". There finally was my red flag. I asked her point blankm "so, your friendship is conditional: it's offered only if I do what you say? What about your promise of faithful friendship?" You replied, "it's faithful but you have to grow to retain my interest." "Oh, I see." The conversation deteriorated from here. You then went on to do a psychological analysis of my personality flaws based on the things in my mannerisms you didn't like. You presumed to tell me why I had these faults and that you would "cure" me of them "if I wasn't too stubborn to change". I asked, what if I was and what if I didn't see the need to change some of them, or even, due to being set in my ways, were unable to change quickly enough for you ? After all, the force of habit is hard to break and if it were easy I'd have done it by now" Your answer was "if you care about keeping me as a friend, you will want to change and you'll do what it takes." After a few more well placed digs, you then went on to have the nerve to call me "lazy" because I hadn't changed them already. So now, everything was on the table. Everything from my eating habits, to my hobbies, to my room arrangment and the amount of reading I did, all failed to "earn" your "respect" When I tried to explain or defend myself (which I shouldn't have had to do) you said I was "raising objections to your every attempt to 'help' me". You said by raising objections I was rejecting you. Well, by this time, even I, Mr. Doormat, had had enough. My answer: "No, it is you who have rejected me. in everything I've said. Bye bye, I'll see you later." and I hung up. My followup analysis of my over-talented American Queen of Hearts is the following: I can see you were aching to dump me. This was all your way of doing it while feeling good about it. You are conveniently blind to your own faults. Here are a few: You always demand that everyone around you cater to your ego, then e you take advantage of them, and criticize them in detail for THEIR faults.You are aggressive, rude, insensitive and judgmental, and you stick your nose into other people's affairs when you don't even know them. You dig, pry and ask questions; and then , as most creeps do, you turn the information you get back against that person and call them names on the basis of your narcissistic "considered judgment" (Who the hell are you?). You sleep til all hours of the afternoon because you are so irresponsible that you stay up and 'party' all night watching t.v. and feeding your face, instead of seeking rehabilitation for your disability so you can get off disability payments and back to work (does the term freeloader ring a bell?) . And, oh yes, you said I was "boring" because of too little "spontaneity" your euphemism for your volatile character, your fickle affections, and your lack of dedication to any one task. What is boring if not you who, like a broken record, constantly return to the same boasting about things you are supposedly expert at doing or learning. I've always known I need work in areas of my life, but upon careful reflection for about two seconds, I think my faults are minor compared to yours, and if this is all I can dredge up from the dating scene, I tender herewith my resignation from the dating scene and from the club of romantics. I may be persistent in not giving up in spite of setbacks, but I'm not a masochist. If this is love, it isn't worth it.
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