By jill (jills@wam.umd.edu)
Date: 10 September 1999

pride (in the name of fear)

my mind does not
get cloudy.
i don't feel 
red in the cheeks
when you tell me
you went partying.
i don't care if you have someone. 
i mean, i don't
but if i did
i would let you 
know. 
well, maybe 
i would.
i want 
to know how you 
feel about me.
i want to hear 
a sweet word.
not that i
plan on returning
the favor,
i have too much 
on the line here.
you would see through 
me, and see
how i feel.
we can't have 
that now, can we?
i get caught
with my heart
on my sleeve,
and it's all over.
i can't afford the risk.
so you just go ahead.
i can't help you
here-
i won't provoke you
make you think
flirt
call
give you
an inch
tell you
i think you're 
fab
show you
i want to visit
tell you
i want you to visit
make mention of 
our summer
together
and how i
felt alive 
with you.
... and i will just wait
for you (to come clean.)
i am sure you would rather
start.
that's what
my mind is telling me to do.

*    *    *    *     *

then again, my mind is
forgetting how lonely
and sad the rest 
of me is 
without danny
or his word.
either of which 
i am not getting
for free.