By Misti V. Rainwater
Date: 25 September 1999

from depraved to CRAVED

     a bad brand of magic
      has turned me
    from Bunny Rabbit to Bitch
    in a matter of days
      a generic karma has kicked
       my lily white ass
   for wanting more
      and far too soon
   I know the rules by now
    God knows
    Allah knows
    Buddah knows
    the Goddess knows
    the dirt knows
  I know the rules by now
       the do's and don'ts of dating in the '90's
    I have sucked enough dick
       done enough dancing to the tune
      of "You're God and I Suck"
   with enough quasi gods of the grapes
      to know my role
  in the Scheme of Things
            in exchange for his time
                     and attention
            and "babe, you rock my world"
      there are lessons to master
             meals to prepare
        lingerie to model
    so many ways to say I LOVE YOU
        a hot oil massage for his birthday
         a Reddi Whip blow job just because
  learn his moods and be careful
    if he is distant after sex
   because you didn't come
  or because your hair is black, not red
   or because you're not Italian
        and don't smoke weed
   like his ex-wife
        if he crawls into his shell
    because subconsciously
   he loathes the smell and taste 
         of your girl stuff
  relax
  be cool
        ask him in a neutral voice
   if he would like a Caesar salad for lunch
     there's a bag of Caesar salad just sitting there in the fridge

    you don't call because he hasn't called all week
         and leave "Piece of My Heart" by Janis Joplin
        on his machine
  that is weird behavior
    not Bunny Rabbit Sugar Dumpling "I've Got You Babe" behavior
    that is OVER THE EDGE
        not Over the Rainbow
      that doesn't border on Eden
       that borders on SKANKY
  no man worth his salt
   wants to see your
  pulpy little strawberry heart
       stained like JELL-O on your Wal-Mart sleeve
     believe me, I am well-versed in this
       the minute you howl at the moon
       the minute you swing the balls
      you aren't supposed to have
    he's gonna bolt
    he's gonna get ambivalent
       on ya
and there will be no more Little Bunny Foo Foo
    for you
you ridiculous slut
     no more "Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific!"
     no more Safari For Free
      in the Jungle of Love

  this safari
      has made me sorry
  this journey into the recesses
   of a man's brain
    has made me rethink 
   the importance
 of sperm
    in my life
   do i really need
 the groveling
the grinding
       minding my P's and Q's 
    for companionship on national holidays?
   McFuck!
   Mister Man, let me tell ya
     I am a goddess!
     I look like Sherrilyn Finn
       think like David Lynch
        fuck like Sharon Stone
        love like Mother Teresa
  and I AM A GODDESS!!!
        -so put THAT salt in your Ramen
            put THAT spice in your rice
 I may give it all away
            (and in no small way)
      but I am NOT a skank
                or a slut
                or a whore
                or a cold sore
     on your lips
I am not an alcoholic hag
      and I am not a Betty or Veronica
      a colorful comic book stereotype
   to take home to Mom and Dad
       I am not a prop
   to assure all your friends
   that you are cool
   and on top of things
   I am royalty, boyfriend
   I've got stars between my toes
     from kicking the SKY
     and ancient songs like coins
        in my purse

this is for girls & women who have felt the same
this is for goddesses who are dog tired of the games
     My Sisters in Heartache and Loss
           this Bud is for you
  hopscotch into the Light, now honey
     you have played enough games
          with enough boys
     bang the chalk dust 
      out of those erasers
      bite your mark in those pencils
   wear your mind and spirit
     like a shameless red banner
    for all the world to see
     as you jump off the merry go round
    and only dance to songs you like
      and save your sweat
               and blood
               and tears
   for men who crave 
      the fuck outta you.