By Cosette
Date: 21 August 1999

Afternoons would be better

you saw me one lazy monday.  sitting by the cafe corner, sipping cafe mocha, 
you watched how my eyes rolled.  like wheels. to take me somewhere.  not here.  
you saw my eyes stopped to stare.  at blank space.  you probably thought i was 
looking at you.  you smiled.  i nodded.  simple display of manners.  i see you 
everyday.  wearing your best.  hair, wardrobe, shoes and all.  your heart and joy in display.  

i inhaled life from my cup.  remindful of a thousand afternoon sunshines.  
when i was with him.  he liked his coffee so much.  cappucino.  
he'd have fake mustache.  he'd guffaw, while i was still quiet.  he'd examine 
my face.  he'd ask how was my morning.  he'll listen me rundown the morning's 
events.  rarely pleasant ones.  he'd nod his head knowingly.  digesting my 
feelings.  he'd crack a joke.  another one, lest he'd see me frown.  until i 
smile.  then he'd listen for more.  his eyes will be a little smaller this 
time. crooked lines on his forehead.  then he'd give me his promise.  that 
afternoons would be better.  and he'd forget to open the door for me.  he'd 
laugh at how the cushioned door hit my nose.  back to the office.  i sit with 
endless anticipation.  that with him i will be a princess. i never was.  

and there i see you sit on your throne.  exuding romance.  fixing your makeup.  i look like a slob.

he left months ago. he's probably thinking about me.  he's probably alone.
with his briefcase.  maybe he isn't. i wasn't unhappy when he left me.  
i wasn't happy when he's here.  he e-mailed me this morning.  short.  he 
described his new apartment.  "i love you".  reading it over and over again.  
examining between the lines.  nothing more.  maybe he's just being himself.  
maybe we're drifting apart.  

i saw you glance over at your watch.  you took a mirror from your purse.  one 
last glance at your crown.  i left the place at the threat of torture.  envy.
your boyfriend gave you a Tiffany necklace last month.

i stepped out of the cafe corner.  usual stop at the magazine rack.  i saw your 
boyfriend kissing a girl.  too busy to see me.  his arms wrapped around her 
waist.  carrying a small red box.  for you.  a guilt-gift.  i looked inside the 
glass window.  you were too busy.  with your best hairdo.  and he looked at 
her.  like a princess.  she thought she was.  but not to me.  anymore.

i haven't seen him for quite awhile now.  how ill i felt this time.  how low.  
maybe i was being cheated.  right at this moment.  like you.  like her.

i reached the confinement of my office building.  my loneliness doubled. this 
afternoon.  8th floor.  too high.  when i couldn't expect more of his promise.  

but he was true to it.  i saw his figure.  sitting at my chair.  arranging my 
desk.  he was smiling when he first saw me.  he looked worried at how pale i 
looked.  "cheer up missy, its our anniversary".  three years.  how odd i 
forgot.  i didn't expect it to last.  he's got no wrapped boxes.  just 
himself.  he's got no rings.  no flowers.  he's more than that.   i love him 
more now.  his love travelled miles.  to remind me.  that afternoons would be better.  he told me that. 





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