By anonymous101
Date: 11 August 1999

the email.

Hey sweetie,

    You didn't upset me by sending that email. Suprised me but didn't
upset me. I am sending this to your work address because I know that
you will see it first when you get there. 

  I know that you are hurting emotionally and it kills me to know that
I am partly to blame for it. I am hurting too. I can't say that we will
never be together and I can't say that we ever will. This situation is
a new one for me and I am not sure exactly what I am supposed to do.
There is no guidebook to follow, all there is to follow is my heart.
But I can't read that any more because it is in two pieces. It's not
broken by the strain of a heartache but separated by my love for two
people. Both people are different in many ways as is the love I feel
for both. 

  One love (your's) is filled with wonder of the unknowing,
never having seen or felt the love my heart knows it is there. The love
has grown by your gentle, encouraging words. Having never touched your
beautiful body the love is not clouded by lust. I do lust for you
though. I lust for the unknowing and I lust for the knowing. I lust for
your body. I lust for your mind. I lust for your words. The lust is not
the same lust that one would usually feel in a relationship so in turn
it does not cloud the feelings. My heart not being clouded I can see the 
love I have for you in my heart clearly and I know it is there and it is true.
   
  The other love (hers) was also born of wonder. The wonder of a new
love. A love that grew and grew until it was mature and confident. Only
to be taken away leaving an emptiness in my heart. The taking away of
the love was not intentional. I knew it would happen from the start yet
I let my heart run as it cared. Then as quickly as it left it wants to
come back. My heart feeling the pain of the loss responds to idea. My
mind teases my heart with it working like a surgeon slowly stitching a
wound. But the love is not new anymore. The love has to be nursed back
to health with trust and understanding. I won't let it be clouded by
lust. This time it will have to be true for my heart to heal.

   This is the best way I can describe to you what I am feeling in my
heart. Although the words may be jumbled and unclear the message here
is I Love You.
I love you, I love you, I love you. Nothing will ever change that. Not
her or anybody else. I may never see you or touch you but you will
always be in my heart, in my mind, and in my ears.

  This is not a letter to say goodbye it is merely telling you what I
feel. All I can say is wait and see what happens. Because I don't know
myself.

I love you sweetie

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