By mEg
Date: 10 August 1999

rambling rambling

early morning 
5am
and i'm so mad
can't sleep and i need to cause
i was late to work this morning

but here i sit
lost my friend tonight
my pal
my confidant... who knew me in every way
a man can know a woman......
and then in the most crucial ways
never really did

georgia... oh god georgia and...

I want to shout at you to just get back to normal
I want to scream why now and why like this -- this disgusting
slow crap ....nip it in the bud, dude
I want to cry cause it cuts so deep.... to know
i'm not strong enough to walk away completely
nursing my wounds as I pray they don't scar
but they already have

at 5am

I want.... I want so much
to tell you to go to hell (with a flourish)
to tell you that you can't be honest with anyone, much less yourself
to tell you that you are just plain old messed up in the head

but I can't cause I hold out hope (pretty dumb, eh)
that maybe you will realize the error of your ways
and remember.... august nights.. that first time
anticipation of each little word... 
typed
or spoken
or written on skin with slippery fingers

oh god georgia.... if I close my eyes... I'm there again.

but I'm not.  THat's been the problem, I'm not.

SO here I sit
5am
I can't sleep, but I need to
I love you
wish you well... and my dramatic, girlie early morning hope,
.... yeah my Hope, it does float.... 
but the beat ain't so hot
and i sure as hell can't dance to it.

but it can make me cry pretty good
at 5am. To think of what was and what
can't be again.   Bye. Bye.

(PS. Don't call me at 3AM on saturdays anymore when you are *alone*...cause maybe next time you call... I won't be)