By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 13 March 2000

Hanbleceya (Vision Quest)

it has been winter here for a long time
i have suffered in silence and eaten my kill alone
hidden in the shadows
without a name
                 i have tried to make it come to me
                 i have screamed
                 ENOUGH
                 TIME
                 HAS
                 PASSED
    i have left
    the safety
     of the
     village
             everyone was mute and unable
                to give me directions
                   and the ghosts
                     whispered
                     too softly
the animals were not sympathetic
they had their fur
their family
their prey
they had no time to pretend they could talk
if they could
they would say
Find Your Own Way, Lost Girl
Make Your Own Magic
         i made the trek
         up the mountain
         i looked for what
             i needed
         in the high shrill trees
         that mated with the wind
         i asked the sun for a clue
         she directed me to the moon
         the moon was sleeping and the
         stars were drunk on dreams
my begging was not enough
my bleeding was not enough
my breaking was not enough
my braving was not enough
         He appeared too late
           after too much
             had been
              lost
           and he did not
              offer me
          shelter or food
            or a security
               blanket
but the words he shared were true
and they have made
the trip down the mountain
easier, somehow
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