By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 14 March 2000
Barbie and Ken, a Dialogue
This is a dialogue between Barbie and Ken, two plastic
dolls. 'Cept the girl who is making them talk has renamed
them Paisley and Sinbad, 'cause she likes those names better.
Paisley is wearing a shiny pink mini skirt and a flimsy
see through purple camisole. She had long brown hair but the
girl who owns her chopped it all off, so now Paisley looks
like a woman who has just gone through a really bad divorce.
Sinbad is wearing navy blue jogging shorts. His hair is
painted on.
Paisley and Sinbad are sitting on top of a shoebox that has
been covered with an Epcot Center t-shirt. This is their couch.
Paisley: I'm sick of this.
Sinbad: What?
Paisley: We never go anywhere or do anything. All we do is
sit on this couch and watch TV.
Sinbad: If you have a better idea I'd love to hear it.
Paisley: We could go dancing. We never go dancing.
Sinbad: The last time we went dancing you got mad because
that chic wanted to sit on my lap.
Paisley: You smiled at her. You smile at all the girls.
Sinbad: I thought you liked my sunny nature.
Paisley: I only like it when it's shining on me!
Sinbad: Don't be jealous, sweetheart. I wouldn't be here
if I didn't love you.
Paisley: You hate my hair. You think I'm ugly.
Sinbad: Come on, don't make me say things I don't mean.
You know I miss your long hair. But I'll take you any way you come.
Paisley: I'm a woman, you dork. I need compliments.
Sinbad: Uh, I love your eyes. They remind me of a swimming
pool, cloudy with chlorine.
Paisley: Hmm. I wonder if Jacob is home tonight. He'd love to
take me dancing. And he thinks my hair is sexy. And he tells
me my eyes remind him of a blue sky on Easter.
Sinbad: A blue sky on Easter, huh? You go on and call Poet Boy.
I'll call Ginger. Ginger has long, perfect hair and she loves
to watch TV.
Paisley: That's it! Curtains. Mini blinds. We are so through!
Sinbad: Fine. Before you go, you owe me five bucks.
Paisley: What are you talking about?
Sinbad: That stupid Pajama Slave Dancers CD you just had to
have.
Paisley: You can keep it. Use it for mood music to wow Ginger
with.
Sinbad: No, thanks. Ginger prefers Otis Redding. She actually
has good taste in music. And clothes, I might add.
Paisley: So now you're criticizing the way I dress? You jerk!
This outfit used to turn you on!
Sinbad: I don't know what I was thinking.
Paisley: Fine. Don't you dare call me when Ginger dumps you for
some volleyball playin' beach god. When I walk out that door,
that's it, buddy. This is your last chance. Do you love me or
not?
Sinbad: I love you but I can't live with you. You can still call
me and e-mail me. But you're no good as a girlfriend.
Paisley: Well, you suck as a boyfriend. If we had been on the
Titanic together, I woulda said,"See ya, wouldn't want to be ya!"
and laughed while you froze your ass off in the water.
Sinbad: Now I'm starting to realize why my friends warned me
about you. You're a head case.
Paisley: Your friends are all in jail for speeding tickets they
couldn't pay. I don't care what they think.
Sinbad: We don't all have a rich daddy to bail us out.
Paisley: You leave my father out of this!
Sinbad: I always hated the guy. He has to buy your mom jewelry
and take her to Europe once a year to keep her happy.
Paisley: I was lucky if you gave me cologne for Christmas. You
waste all your money on beer and games for your Play Station.
That should really turn Ginger on.
Sinbad: Ginger is a happy-go-lucky kinda gal. Doesn't take much to
make that girl happy.
Paisley: That's one way of putting it. You'll miss me after
spending ten minutes with her.
Sinbad: We'll see.
Paisley: Your arrogance is astounding.
Sinbad: There's a reason for it. I rock.
Paisley: Ha! How can you say that with a straight face?!!
Who do you think you are, the lead singer of Sugar Ray?
Sinbad: Please. That guy has nothing on me.
Paisley: Jacob tells me I remind him of Gwen Stefani.
Sinbad: Hmm. I don't guess he's ever actually heard you sing.
Paisley: I CAN sing!
Sinbad: Whatever.
Paisley: OH, that's it! That's the last straw! Goodbye, Sinbad.
Sinbad: Goodbye, Paisley. Be careful. There are a lot of guys out
there who will take advantage of a broken woman.
Paisley: Ha! I'm not broken, baby. I'm BROKEN IN.
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