By Gala
Date: 23 March 2000
Redemption
You call be Gorgeous---
then frown when I falter
as if my doubt
were a denial of you.
You offer your love
not just as a free gift,
but a way of erasing
the hurt done by another
an hour,
a year,
a decade ago---
and I know what you are trying to give,
and know very well why.
I have walked through fire,
not because I wished to
but because it was the only exit
and it amazes me
that this skin
doesn't show the marks
of the damage done,
that there is no roadmap
on my face
to show all the different tours
I have had of hell.
Love is but that---
it is not payment for past loss,
not atonement for another's sin,
not a pain killer against old hurt.
I accept it for what it is,
as I accept you,
as I love you
not in silent desperation
but quiet determination.
I have already paid the tab for my past---
and no matter how dear you hold me,
no matter how near to your heart
you cannot protect me
from what has already happened,
can't erase the ache
planted in my soul
by another hand.
You can only love me
for who I am,
and swear never to regret
that I am not the woman
that you could hold,
or keep.
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