By GT
Date: 31 March 2000
Nancy
She entered my life like a gentle sigh,
she was a stranger first, one who laughed freely and easily,
who spoke of minor intimacies and common grounds,
who made me feel strangely liked and valued.
she became my friend, no longer a stranger,
trusting me with secrets hidden,
confiding what she liked and hated.
We talked and laughed and, as time passed by,
I grew more and more dependent upon her smile.
From strangers to friends was just a small step,
a step a thousand others take every day.
Without her trust and trusting ways,
without her smiles and encouraging gaze,
I would never have taken the step beyond.
We became closer friends, and closer still,
until much of my life was centered around the times
we spent together.
She did a good job of guiding our steps,
a job no other could ever do,
and it wasn't her fault, really, when I stumbled.
Somewhere along our path,
perhaps where the heights were making me dizzy with joy,
I simply lost my balance and fell.
By the grace of Richter, I fell not to either side, nor to the rear,
but fell instead forward, along the path we'd tread.
My plunge forward was unguided, and my steps were steps she never intended.
I fell in love with her.
From strangers, to friends, to close friends.
And beyond.
I've never been sorry for any step we've taken together,
no, not even for the fall I took alone.
I never knew, before knowing her, how empty my life had been.
I thought I was happy. I thought I was successful.
I thought I had known love and all that love can bring.
But the gentle breeze, blowing softly through the leaves,
and what she brought into my life can never be assessed.
We are so very different, her and I. And yet so much the same.
And our differences merge with our similarities,
giving rise to something special and unique.
We talk.
Of all the things I value about this thing that is us,
and there are so many I often lose count,
I value most the way we talk about any thing any time any where.
And each time I listen to her, each time I ponder what she said,
I learn something new. About her. About me. About the world.
I've learned to trust in her instincts.
I love the way she trusts me, never quite whole hearted,
but always just enough.
That trust started as a small seed, I think,
a tentative whisper of unearned confidence,
often shrouded by a cloak of hesitation and unsurety.
I could always tell when she faltered,
when the steps we took were uncertain and questioned.
And yet still she trusted me,
with her secrets, with her feelings, with herself.
she'll never know how much that trust has meant to me.
I love the way she understands me too well.
It's uncanny sometimes how well she knows my thoughts, my feelings, my moods,
frightening at times how closely our lives have become interlinked.
she knows so much of me, secrets I've never told,
thoughts I've never shared, parts of me I've never seen myself.
I love the way we have fun doing the strangest things,
or the way we can enjoy each other doing nothing at all.
We shop and walk, eat and talk,
playing games apart and united.
We study and drill, work and play,
We have fun with each other,
enjoying in our shared pleasures,
she was enjoying the thrill of life,
me just enjoying her.
I'm not blinded by my love, though, and know she is taken.
although I pray for it to end, I know it may never end
I have to deal with the fact, I may never be with her.
I lived and I loved, and I hurt and I grew,
and I believed I could never love again,
could never willingly face the pain of caring.
Love was a myth, I thought, and true love, lasting love,
was just a lie .
But I was wrong.
Because I know how I feel, I know what I feel.
I know who I want
I just want her
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