By nikki
Date: 29 November 2000

It's all in my head

I’m suffocating
caught in a net
of neurons and
synapses that
will not allow me
to discard my
paranoias
and love freely.
My rationale
deserts me
not helping me
to understand that
forever is ok.
Commitment
knocks the wind
out of me
stealing precious
life-giving oxygen
from an already
over-worked and
under-paid mass of
gray matter.
You say
they say
he says
she says
it’s all in my head.
Off with my head!
And tell me if you
can even handle a not
whole me.
The good
the bad
the ugly
all intertwined 
obsession
compulsion
depression
suppression
self-destruction
all in my head.
I’m sorry I can’t commit to
love you alone forever.
It’s all in my head, you know.     

NL 11/29/00