By Ali
Date: 24 November 2000
Once Again
We had been friends
We had been lovers
And we had been
Everything in between
I knew what you were thinking
I knew what you wanted
But I didn't know
If I could give you
What you needed
So, I just looked at you
Sitting there, next to me
On the couch
In my living room
With a glass of white wine
In your hand
Absentmindly sipping away
Just because you were nervous
Or you looked nervous
Maybe I was nervous
Who knows?
You hadn't changed much
Since the last time
I saw you
Which seemed a lifetime ago
You were still so very beautiful
And so very sad
You were so conflicted in everything
Confusing and confused
You had more strength
Then anyone I had ever known
Yet you were weak at the same time
You were always the one
Who knew me the best
Yet didn't really know me
At all
You loved me
With all your heart
It was clear
Always was
And you knew how I felt
But there was something
That always kept us
Apart
And we both knew what
That was
It wasn't a bad habit
It wasn't that we were
"Too different"
It wasn't that we didn't
Get along well
It wasn't any of the "normal" things
You'd expect
It was just that there always was
Someone else
Waiting for you
So, I was surprised
Very surprised
When you just showed up
On my doorstep
With that bottle of wine
That's emptied itself
Rather quickly
And we talked about nothing
We talked about my life
How I had been
I guess I had been okay
I was still here, wasn't I?
Then I asked how you were doing
And you shuddered and looked at me
With the most heart breaking look
So, I reached for you hand
And held it tight
There were two stray tears
Gliding down your cheeks
And finally you spoke
With your voice breaking now and then
You felt so very alone
You were so tired and miserable
And damn it to hell
You missed me
You just couldn't go back
Because your house wasn't
A home
It was just a place
That you lived
Slept
Ate
Fought
Kind of like a war zone
Except the bullets
Were made of words
Instead of metal
I think metal ones
Would have hurt less...
I didn't really have
Anything to say
I couldn't really find
Any intelligent words of wisdom
There was silence, for a while
As I sat there
Holding your hand in mine
I tried to fight
All those feeling
But, they consumed me
Overwhelmed me
And just took control
Perhaps it wouldn't last
Perhaps this was just
A moment of weakness
But I loved you
That was a simple truth
That stood out
From behind all the memories
Of things that had passed
With a sudden, impulsive movement
You kissed me
Hard...so hard, such a passion
And I sighed, so contented
Yes, I kissed you back
Made a desicion
Then and there
Pulled back
For a moment
Led you from the couch
Into that familiar room
My bedroom
Took off your clothes
Took mine off too
And we made love
All night long
Creating such sensations
That neither of us
Had ever felt
It was so wonderfull
So beautiful
And so very wrong
And we both knew that
Neither of us cared
It was something beyond
All the boundries
Ever set, ever made
And in the morning
I felt more
Than words could ever say
You had finally fallen asleep
When the birds begin to sing
Their sweet song
I didn't sleep
I layed awake
Watching you sleep
Felt your breath rise and fall
Felt your arms
Tight around me
Felt so warm
So at peace
So contented
So in love
Oh, dear, I broke some rules
Again
Such a silly habit of mine
Of yours
We had been friends
And once again
We were lovers...
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