By Ali
Date: 14 November 2000
Everything In Question
Looking back
On all thats been
I find my eyes well up
With stinging tears
I hardly understand
This pain
As I understand so little
Of late
It's strange how things change
The very moment you think them
The height of stability
And the ground beneath me
Seems to shift
And again I collapse
To the ground
Falling to the very bottom
Of it all
Odd, I thought myself
There already
And I wonder why...
Isn't that the question always asked?
Why this and why that
I find myself like all the rest
Crying out in silent agony
Left in darkness
Full of question
And missing you
Of all the damnable things
Missing you...
You who still has my heart
Beating strong within your teeth
Thousands of miles
From where I am
God help me
For loving you
Even in this wretched state
I love you still...
When will I learn
The lessons that
I turn my face away from?
Lessons that, somehow, even now
I almost think a form of blaspheme
For love is a kind of religion
If you will
And to profess ill against it
To call it unjust
Seems to me
Like blaspheme
So, again, I journey inward
Hoping to find answers
But, in my heart
I know only you have
The answers that I seek
So, I find all these wayward
Jumbled emotions
Everything I feel
Thrown together
Swirling
In a conflicting heap
Yet I do find regret
Inside myself
For what I did
I'd do again
But, I find I am at odds
With myself
Over what happened
In the days gone by
For it seems to me
That you loved me
But that doesn't seem
Possible
Considering...
Considering that you
Are now gone from me
Yet ever part of me
Every fiber of my body
Tells me
That, indeed, you did love me
And, in myself
I am forced to believe
But small comfort that is
Because now the question is
Do you love me still?
And is it as
Those unspoken words
That were in your eyes
Would have me believe?
Did you go
Due to circumstance
Beyond your control?
Or was it simply
Some far-fetched
Long due
Sense of right?
Could it be
That?
Right now
I think that...
Anything
Is possible
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