By Stands With A Smile
Date: 28 November 2000
Testimony
At times
I have walked
in naked streets
after midnight
in rain
or snow
and heard the shadowed voices
of lovers calling
late and late
behind the shuttered windows
and in my misery
named each a fool
myself knowing
Love dwells on the edge
of pain.
I have
in days of summer
shunned the liquid laughter
of those heedless few
who haunt the shady river banks
and live for green grass
and blankets
and private picnics
too caught up in my hurt
to be able to bear
their gentle voices.
I have spent the winters
the holiday season
closed
within my heart and rooms
no music
no visitors
no cheer
to avoid the bleeding hapless fact
that others kissed and sang
and made new memories.
And now
what tender insanity
is this?
This is no convulsion
laughter
loud and rolling
fevered activity
ready for the season
heart pounding
face drawing upward
unfamiliar with the
sensation of an endless smile.
Suddenly I see them
not as fools
but kindred spirits
understanding their language
their cheer
and finding it glowing in me
like an ember
rapidly becoming a flame.
What tender madness.
What divine spark
has brought the light
from heavens blessed heights
into the cursed depths
of my darkness
uncapping a wellspring
of kindness and peace?
I look again
at the paper
I've been scribbling on
when I should have been working
and find the only clue
I can offer the world
in defense of my sudden change.
It reads
in great sunny letters
Joanna.
If it please the world
and heaven's judge
I rest my case.
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