By Starr                               star_e@keltia.zzn.com
Date: 24 January 2000

a letter to jhimm

i'll be out your way tomorrow
pobably until 3ish, as
liz & i are  going to go shopping.
i realise that we won't really get
time to talk at all,
but i get the feeling that 
you want out right around now...
i hope i'm nuts, and that
it's just that i'm having a
natural, and self defensive, reaction
to being hrh with some folk...
but either way, i won't put words or
thoughts to your person without
cause...that would be unfair 
and blatantly wrong
i tryed very hard,
earlier, to express where
i am comming from now
and i know that with typing, and
brevity of space & time, one
can't look into the eyes of 
the person they are speaking to
and see if what they
are conveying is getting
there in the right way.
i worry that i am showing my unfortunate
nom in true erika style...
eg. being a 'force of nature'
because, once again,i'm
refusing to do things by halves,
and i won't just let things that bother
me lie in wait to hurt me later.
i also know that you are sick
right now, and that you really don't need 
to have this dumped in your lap,
so i'm sorry for that...
and that you get to see why folk 
tend to have issues with me...
i table things first, and ask questions
later...leaning into my being a great 
girl when i keep my big mouth shut!
i guess that my chief objective here
is to have us figure out how we feel 
about eachother, and table that
objective two is to take 
our findings thereof and to
have that be the sole basis of
our relationship...hrh the rest.
i guess i'm getting kinda uppity here,
and waxing pretty dramatic,
but i am not the type that will
be donna reed with a problem...
rom blood doesn't allow for it;
it runs too hot.
so here, for future reference,
is _exactly_ how i feel...
i feel intensely drawn to you.
i have thorougly enjoyed our talks/chats/mails.
i find you quite beutiful.
i love how it feels when i kiss you.
i am thrilled that you believe in angels.
i think we can be amazing friends.
i know that you won't be passive/agressive/
strange with the other people i'm with.
i trust you.
i want to be with you.
i am glad that you see my poetry
as expressions within the moment, of an 
open heart, and not the ravings of a
complete lunatic.
i love how it feels to hold you.
i am thrilled that you get along with torin
i am not scared of you.
i really don't care what people say about you
as it is thier experience (or lack therof)
not mine.
i want to know you long enough to 
tell them that they are morons with 
ultimate authority.
i think you look better in short skirts 
than many women i know.
i still want eye make up lessons.
i don't feel as though i need to 
put on a grand show for you.
i like how you can make me laugh.
i miss you.
i think it's great that you like really poe...
most people say it for goth points.
i like having you over for tea
i like how your eyes smile with you
that's all i know how to say...
graceless and diorganized it might be, 
but i won't insult you by giving you
less than the truth
and with this letter, following suit
with age old advice on matters of the heart,
i set you wholly free...in the hope
that you will come back to me.
yours,
-E