By the guppy
Date: 20 December 1999

desktop excerpt

i must've looked in the mirror just a little too long today
must've had some imaginary radio blasting "slip sliding away"
funny how reality just forced my hands in my pockets
my guitar is laying uselessly two feet from me on the floor
i'm strumming it with my toes
pretending that i have to
bopping to the awful anti-music i'm creating
i feel like a father
i've got a polystyrene cup about a quarter filled with room temperature coffee
guess i'm an optimist
i've got two pens laying side by side on my desk, one blue, one black
they remind me of bruised lovers
no red
no fresh wounds
i've got a half bottle of calcium enriched antacid tablets to my right
i've got nothing to say about that
i'm screening my calls
i know that at any second the love of my life could call
probably to tell me that i should really return that copy of "the origin of species" to the library
or maybe to let me know that my phone is going to be disconnected
irony sucks
the love of my life
i don't even know her yet
or maybe i do
i just hope she doesn't call now
the whole tidings of comfort and joy thing
i think people get down this time of year just because everyone is telling them
that they have to be happy
that if they aren't happy, they are equated with some freaked out haunted old
man who was created by a longwinded author a long time ago
i know, for me, i like christmas
but it is tough to be alone this time of year
it all just comes under the scrutiny of friends and relatives
"how come you're not married yet?"
my usual answers to that question:
"because you never asked me"...i use that one if the asker is female
"because your wife didn't divorce you yet"...i use that one when i feel like 
being a jerk to a guy
"why are you?"
"this is really good egg nog"
"my wife to be suffocated while waiting to jump out of a cake at some guy's
bachellor's party...it was tragic..."
i hate that question...it's like being judged as a freak for not being with
somebody
so...i make sure that whomever asks me that ends up thinking that i really am
one
why?...i don't know
to be continued...