By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 21 December 1999

Dos

Scene 2- INT. Derek and Paul's apartment. Day.
Derek is sleeping on the couch with a pillow over his
head. Black sheets cover the windows. A lava lamp glows
on the TV set. MTV is on mute. Paul enters the den. Very
clean-cut and preppy. All-American, like Tom Cruise or
James Van Der Beek. He turns on the light and stares at
Derek with obvious disapproval. Derek moans.
Paul: Man. Hey, man. It's three o'clock in the afternoon.
Derek mutters something unintelligible.
Paul: Come on, snap out of it. Sheila is on her way over.
Derek: I'm sleeping. Leave me alone.
Paul: Fuck, man, what's your problem?
Paul pulls the sheets off the windows and opens the blinds.
Derek: What is this, boot camp?
Sits up and rubs his eyes.
Paul: When are you going to get off welfare and find a job?
Aren't you humiliated to live your life at such a pathetic
level? Don't you have any pride? You'll never get a woman
if you don't straighten up.
Derek: Who said anything about me wanting a woman in my life?
Women are whores. I'm off women. It's you I want.
Paul: You disgust me, man. No, I'm serious. I can't even look
at you. Do you realize how embarrassing it is for me when Sheila
comes over and sees how we live? With dishes piled in the sink and
your stupid pet iguana running around and you looking like a
perpetual stoner? She thinks I live with a psychopath.
Derek: She's just jealous. She's scared I'll give it to you
up the ass and you'll like it. 
Paul clenches his jaw and his fists.
Paul: Alright, asshole. How much money will it take to get rid
of you for the rest of the day?
Derek reaches for the phone. Punches in a number.
Derek: Sorry, sweetheart. I can't be bought. Yeah, I'd like to
order a large mushroom pizza. Do ya'll have Coke? Oh, fuck it
then. I fuckin' hate Pepsi.
Paul disconnects the phone.
Derek: That was rude. I'm starving.
Paul: Here. Go buy yourself twenty pizzas. Read my lips. Sheila
is coming over. I can't have you hanging around like a bum.
Derek takes the hundred dollar bill. 
Derek: You're cute when you're mad. You know that?