By Shadygirl fading_shade@hotmail.com
Date: 7 December 1999

praying for lead feet

You whisper words I wish were true
deflated words that used to rise
with false hydrogen 
(explosive, still)
words that only he can make fat
and honest
and safe.
But still I let them touch me
I crumble and listen
out of boredom
loneliness
weakness
tired of routine
Needy for a fresh downpour of pain
to soak my leather heart
thristy for the
ocean of emotion
that once filled my lungs
almost praying for lead feet
so i can know what it is to crave life again.

And then you lie beside me
with spare space
and time between us
so tangible I could grasp
a perfect memory
from the air with careful fingers.
You reach for the 'past me'
what you hoped i could still be
Offering your one hand for my two
a distraction
poking my soft spots
with your other
trying to find yellow bruises
to again turn black
(your favorite color)
like night
and all that is hidden
and, of course, you.

And all I can do is close my eyes
and feel your fingers in my hands
as if they are still mine.