By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 2 December 1999

*Monday*

I am too alive to live. Desire runs through my veins like an
escape artist. I want to be touched-loved-adored-bowed down
to-revered-remembered. I keep having these fantasies about
Chad. I discovered his time card today- his name is Chad
Summers. I'm thinking of *A Midsummer Night's Eve*, which
I saw at the Midland Theatre when I was in the seventh
grade. It was sooooo romantic- I looooove Shakespeare.
I do I do I do!!! I want ROMANCE. I want to make love
in a moonlit meadow on a BALMY evening. I love that word-
balmy. It's like,"Ball me, baby." 
   Back to my fantasies of Chad. I fantasize that we're
in his apartment (I guess he has an apartment- in my
fantasies he does, and the roommate is out of town)
sitting at this candlelit table and he's feeding me
swirl cheesecake and is pouring champagne down my
throat. Then we start kissing and touching each other
and he leads me into his bedroom and makes urgent
love to me.
  And I have fantasies of us going to Six Flags- those
are more sensory than sexual. I see the lights and feel
the wind through my hair as we hurtle along on the 
Texas Giant. 
  It would just be cool if we were going together. He
is so sweet-n-sexy and solemn. I can see us making love
on a kitchen table or in a bathtub or on a subway or in
a hammock or on the ground- anywhere, anywhere at all.
   But I'm scared. I've got battle scars. I just don't
know about love. I don't know if I'll ever rock my
way through a "White Wedding." We shall see!!!