By AML <hello739@msn.com>
Date: 24 December 1999

Christmas Eve

I noticed that when I was wrapping presents I was methodical,
not cheerful
not happy
not smiling a bit
And then I noticed as I was baking cookies all night I was going
through the motions, speeding through without a thought
I spent some time last minute shopping, in and out the store I went
and now I am just remembering all the Christmas cards that were not sent
and it's Chistmas eve today
I am sitting at my desk at work
I am going to see the family today, try to look my best
and when they ask me how I've been I will shrug and say ok
all the while I will fight the tears
because my life has slipped away
I cannot seem to fight the depression that is surrounding me
I am a stone of rejection and abandonment and love lost...
It will take years of care to weather my layers of distrust away
Maybe one day Christmas won't be the bearer of despair for me
maybe one day,
my love will return to me