[let me sleep]

by deevaa

You walked away from us
it was you who got on the plane.
So how dare you!

How
Dare
YOU?

It was me.
that was here for him -
my hand that dialled
one
one
one.

my voice that told the operator
what my emergency was,
the address,
the phone number.
It was me!

I sat on the step
holding our limp child
stoking his face
talking calmly
"it'll be ok.
Mumma's here for you.
I won't let you go."

I rubbed his back
and held him tight
as he spewed the
poison from his swollen
red
lips.
Craddled him against my
breast, streaked with the vile smelling mess,
me, who waited
while the sirens screamed closer

my arms that held him while they
poked and prodded
twisted
and turned him...
I dried his tears
held him tight
watched
and waited.

So how dare you tell me
in your condescending tone
that what I did
wasn't the best
I could do

sometimes I really wonder
why I ever loved you
why I ever thought you where
the man of my dreams
don't wake me with your anger
don't lay your guilt laced
trip wire across my path
don't wake me with your
harsh
words
let me sleep
let me rest
let me recover from my shock
be happy that
the ambulance got here in time.
things are going to be ok.
so
Let me sleep.
Let me be safe
with the knowledge
that I did
the best I could

YOU left.
YOU walked out
so don't you stand up
and
judge me,
or
my love.