By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 30 December 1999

Suffocation

he keeps saying
  I guess
  I don't know
  Maybe
and that
should be
  enough
because he is
my favorite person
my boyfriend
my summer lover
my late night
chance meeting 
in a disco
I'll always
return to

this jerk I love
this asshole I crave
he lets me break up
with him
and then he pulls
me back
with his Libra moon
it glows tender beams
of quiet charm
it shows a sad face
to my irreverent sun and Venus
in Aquarius
and my Virgo moon
glows sensuality
cool and silver
lapped up my noble bull
my trustworthy Taurus

I watch him shave
  and I know
I could watch him shave
for the rest
of my life
I watch him sleep
and my heart swells
I want to comfort him
feed him
keep him
at my breasts

he doesn't know
what to make
of my mercurial moods
my petulant whispers
my bunny rabbit pout
my need for him
drives him away
I call too much
I ask too much
I need too much
I take what isn't mine
and ask
for more
I bore him
with my linear 
stream of consciousness
monologues
that zig zag
from left field
and plop down
in his lap
my tears are too soggy
and I
can't cook

I look at him
and know
he'll have to be
the one
to walk away
because my legs
won't listen 
to logic
and walk in a 
Girl Scout direction
all they can do
is wrap around
his hips
and hope
that
will suffice