By Misti Velvet Rainwater
Date: 3 December 1999

Jewel Wannabe

I'm at work and have nothing to do so I thought
I'd write you another old-fashioned letter. I
called you at work this morning. I'm sure you
got the message. I just wanted to surprise you
with a "Good morning!".
  As soon as I get the chance I'm going to e-mail
you this game that my mom shared with us yesterday.
It was really cool. It's a game that tests your
love life. I like the way mine turned out. After
you take the test I'll share my results with you.
   Last night I made everyone sick with my "performing"-
I kept strumming Jimmy's electric guitar and sang 
everything from "A Country Boy Can Survive" to
"Soldier Boy." I was going to call you up and play a
Jewel song for you but my family said that might scare
you off. The song goes like this:
      Let the phone ring
      Let's go back to sleep
      Let the world spin outside our door
      You're the only one that I want to see
      Tell your boss you're sick
      Hurry- get back in I'm getting cold
      Get over here and warm my hands up, boy
      It's you they love to hold
      Stop thinkin' about what your sister said
      And stop worryin' about it
      Yes, the cat's already been fed
      Do not answer the door
      It's you that I adore
      I'm gonna give you some more
         (etc.)
Maybe I'll sing it to you sometime. I'm always listening to
it in my truck.
     There are a lot of things that I want to do for you.
I want to make chocolate chip pancakes for you and wash
your feet (I washed Holly's and Ryan's feet last night-
they can't believe all the foot products I have) and take
you to a Baptist church and read Song of Solomon to you
(it's the most erotic book in the Bible) and turn you into
an honorary Texan.
     To become an honorary Texan, you must experience at least
one Sunday dinner (lunch) with my family, ride at least one
horse, go sixty down the backroads with the stereo blaring
Hank Williams, Jr. or George Strait, two-step at Billy Bob's,
lick it, slam it and suck it (the tequila thang), and eat
barbecue at Riscky's Downtown Barbecue. You're already well
on your way. You've had wild, uninhibited sex with a native
Texan woman.
              I'll call you sometime this week.
                             Misti