By Michael and Evangeline (friends forever) share_the_love@hotmail.com
Date: 15 June 2000

Hell to Live Without

 	.....
	She ran to him, put her arms around him, could not speak. 
	.....
	Fifteen minutes later she pulled away and left him standing
there......close, but no longer together.
	"I've grown too much with him. We're not two separate people anymore.
We just fit. It's right. I do love you. I really do. I want you to have
everything that I've got and have ever wanted.  I truly do.  I know you'll get
it.  I love you."
	......
	...they never really said goodbye...
	......
	They had lived across town from each other for years. She on the fringe
of the city, near farms and woods and rivers. He in the heart of the city, near
highways and intersections and traffic lights. 
	Now they were thirty-six and not seen each other for nearly twelve
years. There had always been a deep, strong connection, but they no longer
spoke.
	His name was Mark. Her name was Anne. Late one rainy evening, Anne
knocked on Mark's front door.
	Mark came to the door. He was carrying a fat, sleeping baby he had been
rocking. His attention was focused entirely on the baby. "Anne!" he said. He
glanced at her absently -- as if they'd seen each other every day for the past
twelve years.
	"Would you like to come in out of the rain?" he said. She was at a loss
for words, especially to him. She covered the silence by avoiding his eyes and
fidgeting absently with her purse strap, as though what really concerned her
were far away- as though she were a clairvoyant, pausing briefly to glance into
a world far way -- one beautiful, distant, and magical . This manner of
speaking had always been Anne's style, but only in matters that concerned her
desperately.
	"A talk?" asked Mark.
	"One word or another." Said Anne. "You ramble, I digress."
	"I had no idea you lived so close." He said.
	"Moved ten years ago," she said "You still in the Army?" 
	"Left seven months ago." he said. He had been a one star General in the
Army. His shirt had dried milk from the baby bottle on it. His clothes were
rumpled. His slippers didn't match. He needed a nap. 
	She held out her hands to hold the baby. "What is her name?"
	"Anna." he said.
	Anne looked at the baby for a moment, touched her sweet little nose and
gave her back to her father. "Adrian is dead, Mark," she said.
	"I know," he said.  "Do you want to talk about it?"
	Anne started crying. Mark started crying. Angelica walked into the
room. She walked up and put her arms around them both. They all cried together.
	Mark's seven year-old-son, Michael, walked in with his little brother,
David. Michael picked up his sister and took her to the nursery dragging David
close behind.  Michael sneaked a look behind him; smiled shyly, stuck out his
tongue at them, giggled, turned and walked on.  
	"How did you know?" Anne asked.
	"Katalina sent me email." He said. 
	"Will you come to the funeral?" Anne asked.
	He nodded and patted Angelica's hands. "How are you holding up?"  He
whispered to his wife.  She just smiled.
	"Do you need some money?" Angelica asked Anne.
	"The biochem company won't let me have his unexercised options." said
Anne. "I can't afford to sue them for anything, even though he made them
billions."
	"If my publisher hadn't folded under pressure from Amazobay and piracy
from NapSteal, my last book would have been enough to get us through this."
choked Anne.
	"Then let us help you." said Angelica. "Let us help you because we love
you."
	Anne started to tear up again. Mark hadn't stopped yet. Angelica got up
to get some tissues.
	Anne picked up the photo album that was sitting on the dining room
table. She looked at the pictures of the beautiful children. 
	"Three of them?" she said.
	"Three of them."  He said. "You aren't the only one who likes that
number."
	Anne smiled slightly. Angelica beamed quietly. Angelica started
distributing tissues.
	Everyone wiped their eyes. A sense of belonging came over them all and
they began talking quietly.
	"What about you?" He asked. "I know you adopted one, but I hear you had
another?"
	"I love them as much as I ever loved Adrian.  Now they are all that I
have of him."
	Anne pulled out some pictures from her overfull purse.
	"The dark haired one is named Zachary. I adopted him nine years ago.
He's ten. Stephanie was born on the 4th of July -- six years ago."
	"Where are they staying?" asked Angelica.
	"My parents." Said Anne.
	"Did the oil crash hit them hard?" asked Mark.
	"I didn't want to come to you for help." said Anne.
	"We didn't expect you to." said Angelica
	They sat in silence. They knew it was bedtime. 
	"I'm so tired. " said Anne.
	"You can have the guest bedroom." said Mark.
	Mark and Angelica led Anne up the stairs. They put her to bed.
	Mark and Angelica went to tuck the children in. Then they went to bed.
Mark and Angelica held each other very close. They cried.
	"You still love her don't you?" said Angelica.
	"I love you both forever, Angel" said Mark. "I know you understand
forever."
	"Yes." said Angelica. "Forever."
	They kissed. And wept. And held each other tightly as if the other
might die in the next ten minutes. Eventually they settled down.
	"I should check on Anne." Said Mark.
	"I'll get some more blankets." Said Angelica.
	Mark walked upstairs to the guest bedroom. Angelica walked to the
laundry room.
	"Are you ok?" Mark asked Anne.
	"I haven't slept in three days." Said Anne. "I can't sleep without his
arms around me."
	"Lay down." Mark said. 
	Anne lay down. Mark pulled the covers up to her neck. He started to run
his hand over her forehead. Mark started singing a lullaby. Anne hadn't heard
it in over eighteen years. Angelica walked in. She wrapped her arms around
Mark's neck and joined into the chorus. Mark started crying. Angelica started
crying. Anne just closed her eyes. Tears slid from them.  She was tired of
crying.
	Three minutes later, Anne was asleep.
	Mark and Angelica walked each other back to bed. One arm over another.
Softly. Through hallways, over toys.
	Very late the next morning, Anne walked downstairs to the kitchen
table. Angelica was sitting at it with her laptop and some coffee, paying
bills. Mark was outside breaking a broken barbecue grill further. Michael was
climbing all over the two trees intertwined together in the backyard. David was
banging an old pot against the grill outside. Mark put something down to play
with him. Baby Anne was lying quietly in the seat next to Angelica.
	"Did you sleep well?" asked Angelica, playing with the baby with one
hand, and clicking URL's with the other.
	"I slept." said Anne.
	"How much do you need?" asked Angelica
	"I don't know." said Anne. "Adrian took care of all the money stuff.  I
just never worried about it until now."
	"Take this then." Said Angelica.
	It was a blank check.
	"The army didn't pay as well as it used to once they broke it up, and
his company is still new..... but he doesn't make most of the money anyway."
said Angelica.
	"He doesn't?" said Anne.
	"No, he did until he started his own company. The market's been really
rough. He won't be ready to go public this year or next." said Angelica.
	Mark walked in holding a bent screwdriver. 
	"Damn thing isn't tough enough.," he griped.
	He looked at Angelica and Anne.
	"You're leaving already?" he asked Anne.
	He looked at Angelica's tousled dark hair and Anne's light, combed hair.
	"I guess so." he said when he got no answer.
	"I need to rescue my children." Anne smiled. "My parents might decide
to keep them."
	"I guess so." Mark smiled.
	"Visit us?" asked Angelica.
	"Soon." said Anne taking a step away. 
	"And forever." smiled Anne, turning around briefly.
	Mark and Angelica smiled.
	She never cashed the check. It hangs on her bedroom wall. She was
strong enough to save herself -- and her children.
	Their children played together every Sunday. 
	They were friends that were hell to live without.