By Alexander Newfield
Date: 16 June 2000

There Are No Free Lobster Dinners

Like the golden oldie says..."another Saturday night
and I ain't got nobody"
double negative vibes
double shot of Jagermeister
doubtful I will ever feel okay again
because I played by the rules
and she left, anyway
I did everything right
took her out to five star Italian restaurants
ordered a bottle of Dom Perignon
even let her order an appetizer and dessert
let her flirt with the waiter because
he was one of her many admirers
it was only natural
she radiated Venusian charm
but she was more than a decoration on my arm
she was Mary Ann from the farm and Ginger from Hollywood
Little Red Riding Hood and Sleeping Beauty rolled into one
stardusted sugar frosted honey of a miracle
and she made me laugh until my stomach cramped
and it never took her longer than thirty minutes to get ready
and she loved me steady and consistent and true
even when I was feeling blue because my brother is a doctor
and I'm just a lowly shift leader at Long John Silver's

I sent her white roses
I sent her daisies
I listened attentively when she talked about her baby sister
who suffered from epilepsy
and her aunt who was suicidal because her husband told her
he was gay
after ten years of marriage
I held her hand
I held her
on nights
when sex wasn't happening
I let her rent "You've Got Mail" and "Never Been Kissed"
when I really wanted to watch "Scream 2" and "Men in Black"
I took her back
all the times she left
because she needed to "sort things out"

I never played her like a cheap second-hand violin
I never put a wall around my heart and refused to let her in
I never looked at other women
or thought of anyone but her
the only games I played with her were Scrabble and Monopoly
and she always won
and I never cared
I shared my pancakes with her when she decided she didn't like
her hash browns
I let her do all the drinking so that I could drive us home

now I am alone
she's with someone who talks down to her
and blasts Limp Biskit and Kid Rock from his SUV
but I still love her
and I still play my Michael Bolton and Kenny G cds
and read Shakespeare sonnets
and keep the faith
Back to the Heart-on-Sleeve Corner