By Riggs
Date: 28 June 2000
Platform 10
I miss you already. Don’t know why after what you just did. I could see it coming as well. But in my typical leech like fashion I chose to hang in there. Never know Marty she might change her mind eh. But fuck it all if I wasn’t right. Friends become lovers become friends I guess. I hope. The way you stood there looking lost for a few minutes and then looked at me fearfully and said, “can I tell you something?” As if I might rip your head off when you told me. I am not that volatile. Externally at least. I won’t rip your head off I promise. I’ll calmly let you rip my heart out then go home and rip my own head off. You felt we were getting too serious and were afraid. We hugged, you said you were sorry, I said it was cool and that we were probably better as friends, then you got on your train and I drifted off down the platform. Like a bad 40’s romance movie. Holding it together. Just. Missing you already.
Two weeks and you’ll be back. But it’ll be different this time. What was it you told me. That we got together because you were afraid of losing me as a friend. What kind of bullshit it that. You told me I was the best friend anyone could have. Well thank you very much, princess, that makes it all better. What was the idea in that? You can’t perform open-heart surgery with a fucking band aid, love. I treasured your friendship when we were friends. But how can it be an innocent friendship now. Somehow I found the stairs back into the transit center. Found platform 6 and smoked a half a packet of Stuyvesants waiting for my train to come whisk me away. To anywhere but here. Resisted the urge to throw myself under it when it came.
I hope you are crying, all the way back to Mackay. Sitting in your padded seat, looking at your beautiful reflection in the window as city lights sweep past. I hate the way that I knew it was coming and did nothing. I hate the way that the sad look you had when you told me made me want to comfort you. I hate that I’ll miss you for the entire time your away even though it is no longer my business to do so. I hate that you will send me an email telling me that you are sorry. But what I hate most of all is that I don’t hate you. I can’t. I was the only one who came to see you off. I won’t be there to meet you when you come back.
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